Fey Moods

I'm just about to be off for a run. Been craving for it the whole day. Funny thing that, a year ago, I would never have imagined those words coming from my lips. Yet here it is.

I feel a tingling about my soul, an itch to traverse, to go somewhere - to move. I don't really care about how fast it is or where I'm going, (although just for convenience's sake I'm gonna run to the NLB bookdrop and return my books before my fines bankrupt me again), I really just want to travel somewhere.

Today has brought me to a strange mood, straddling melancholy, bordering on introspective. I find the only word I can describe it with, that feels right at least, is fey. I'm looking back on the past a lot, sometimes in amazement, at how much things have changed, mostly for the better. And of course, the inclusion of my angel, my muse into my life. A little bit of sadness tinges it all, for I remember how all these things turn to dust one day. Yet a little light shines in my heart despite this despair, for I gaze upon all these steps that I have taken, and I feel a burgeoning... pride? No, it's something else. A satisfaction that I have made my mark upon a blank surface, to have made a map of my movement. No matter how temporary.

Free-writing for the day, more of a collection of thoughts. I tried to nap, couldn't, got up and wrote in my little precious book:

We are constantly striving, constantly pushing forward, finding boundaries and breaking them, fighting for a brighter tomorrow, a purposeful today.

Sure, it brings pain - especially when we fall in our travels, and we are tempted to stop. Sure, it brings fear. What if I can't do it? What if I'm not good enough?

But then I look back upon all the steps I have taken along this road called life, and I realize how wonderful they are. Be it bad times, bad choices, steps in the mud. Be it good times, great achievements, leaps across the sunflower fields. I realize something.

How wonderful it is to have taken a step, in any direction, to any destination. To have traversed no matter the consequences, no matter the outcome, no matter how fast the step fades. How wonderful it is to leave a footprint in the snow.

Ben. When times get tough, life gets troublesome, goals get difficult, fear waxes and confidence wanes. When you are tempted to stop. Remember these words, read this. Understand that it doesn't really matter which step you take, as long as you take it hoping for a better tomorrow. Then, you will realize, the step you have taken is wonderful, beautiful. And the sun will rise.